On Change

You learn quickly, as a transplant, what you must do to adapt. 

She's Tired...

Ram On

"There are far far better things ahead than any we leave behind." -C.S.Lewis

Sol Sistere

Maybe I'll pick up everything and go to Spain

 and eat olives 

and drink wine in a field.

Maybe I'll grow, pick, serve, and savor my kitchen garden. 

Maybe I'll spend every morning out on my roman patio drinking coffee

and cook barefooted in my ancient kitchen

and gaze over the land from my desk window. 

Maybe I'll loose my native tongue

and mature by being out of doors, tilling the earth. 

Maybe I'll find a love, a family, a voice

and ahead were many productive years of novel writing and story telling. 

Maybe that's where I'll remain for the rest of my life.

Maybe I'll pick up everything and go to Spain 

and eat olives 

and drink wine in a field. 

Tape-Loop

An album that's helping me get through a time
of 

transition 

Love Monday

Rise

Today. Monday. 

Alarm sets off. Coffee is guzzled. 

Commute-Commute. Work. Commute. 

Obligations. Ambition wails.

 Dreams of a Life away from this routine persist. 

Most thrive with steaming rails, weaving cars, towering skyscrapers, 

mountains of papers, schedules and presentations. 

It thrums away in their soul. 

I, still don't know what it's like to be one person. 

A person with a line in life. 

A calling. 

I, still don't know what it's like to stand in a single place. 

To really call a place home. 

To be content. thriving. secure. 

I, peer up a redwood, gaze down a trail, 

soak up a horizon, only to wish for a life I can't seem to achieve. 

A home. A Love. A studio. 

Time. to. Write. 

Places. to. Travel. 

Lands. to. Wander.

Culture. to. Embrace. 

Foods. to. Eat.  

I'm eager to Rise above a stunted self. 

To sprout up into the wind. 

Pollinate unnoticed with a chance to grow. 

I Kept Leaving, Keep Leaving

Life become me. 

In closing my eyes, I consciously register the sense of present.

  The dryness of my skin seeks experience in order to be quenched.

Like playing Wooly Willy, 

I'm the conductor, using a magnetic wand to gather even the tiniest metal fillings; 

forming a picture, a face, a visual form of self. 

  Over time, these attracted senses. memories. emotions. will cling to my body,

  building a layer of metal armor. 

For when faced with my eternal slumber,

the armor from which my life was built, will be burned. 

In all ablaze, the fire will rekindle my past, 

allowing what once was, to spark with life again. 

Reverting back to a thirst for 

Life. 

As the molten subsides, 

a small fleck of energy unfurls into  

an unseen particle...

hopefully to be reused. 

There's So Much Travel Yet

MoMa. Ferry Plaza Market. Grilled Cheese. Tangerine Spritzer. East Bay View. 

On Strangers

On several occasions, I've been approached by random people ready to cast wisdom upon me, like a wise ol' wizard, or a fortune telling gypsy.

 They tend to tap on personal life qualms. Such as what I've been feeling, thinking, or avoiding; 

which then, I immediately unravel like a loose ribbon. 

Either I'm an open book, or it's some cosmic coincidence.

No matter what, it shakes you up a bit. 

Transition

route 1. double-taking. tape looping. blissed to immobility. single entertainment. bright sky meshed marine layer. unfixed and wheeling. sea cliff to redwood. oakland. allie. red wine.

Flying

I woke nervous; a mind filled with petty worries. My uneasy movements around the kitchen reminded of 
You've Got Mail 
"Patricia makes coffee nervous." 

The echoing bustle of commuters only amplifies my concern for time. A tick growing in strength. 

Unbeknown to me, I do have time. 
There's no need to rush through the Present. 

Time is Now.

Spinning Light

The Return

From Mid to Full West. 

Calm before the Storm

Work

"We never sit anything out. We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip over and let the beautiful stuff out." -Bradbury

Those Who Do, And Those Who Don't

Last night grew cold. The box fan spinning away in my window turned icy. A sheet and light cover was not enough to shield me. I tossed and turned, distorting my body into the tightest embryo pose for warmth. The discomfort was cause for such cramped joints, that I arose and snatched the hoodie hanging from the foot of my bed. Still, I froze for the rest of the early morning. 

When I woke up (about an hour later than I usually rise) I was beyond furious with myself. WHY didn’t I just get up and take the fan out of the window? I could have easily saved myself from a sleepless night. How ridiculous my non-action is.

Does this act of not taking action speak for me on a deeper level? Such as, succumbing to a fan? A Fan! Alas, I did nothing, but keep myself chained to the bed, restless, and freezing. Most all the individuals I know would have immediately fixed any discomfort ailing their sleep. 

Funny how something so silly as this, can have you analyzing the basic fact that I devalue myself, even in Sleep. 

Take care of yourself, Lu.

I'm a Nester & a Nomad

Well, this soon to be Oaklander 

is Tilling away. 

I'm ready for this next chapter: 

For a new city

New experiences. 

Finding new work. 

Meeting new people.

and last but not least, 

 beginning an internship at

McSweeney's Publishing House. 

Day by Day.

Now, Tumblin'.

-Lu

"and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful 

than the risk it took to blossom" -anais nin 

 Methinks, YES! 

Adventure

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." - Vincent Van Gogh 

Weeping Willow

"Would you think of me?" 

There's So Much Travel Yet

Sharpening Senses. 

My mantra as of late has been: 

"Listen to yourself, follow your heart"

The Universe is shoving it in my face so much so, that even a strange woman came up to me and started reading me like an open book.
To which she said "You need to stop listening to everyone else, and just listen to you. Listen to your heart." she also tapped on other things such as Parents/Friends and that I need more Ego-Self Confidence! 

I swear this to you all. So strange and altering. 

Anywho, a guilty pleasure of mine is to read my horoscope off
Susan Miller

and occasionally ask a question with
  The Oracle.

I love it all, even down to the magic 8 ball. 

It's all good fun. 

This morning I randomly felt the need to ask the Oracle....

So I grabbed the book, closed my eye, ran my thumb along the pages while thinking of my question/quest 

and opened to:

THE QUEEN OF HEARTS

urges you to follow your Heart 

instead of what other say. 

MEEP!

Hello, Tuesday. 

-Lu

Love Monday

Morning Queries

On Heavy Rotation

The Heart Is An Organ Of Fire

(collage "lost in love" 12/1/12)

I'm cautiously settling into a creaky four post bed. 

It's rather early here, but there's no haste.
I find retiring to bed with a glass of red, hearing cicadas scream, wearing my favorite peach slip, and all consumed by the comforting hum of a box fan drawing the sweet mid-west air into my room...

it's all far too comforting. 

Chicago in the Summer is cause for childhood nostalgia.   

Streets lined with meeting oak trees. 

Block Parties. 

The smell of fresh house paint and billowing BBQ's. 

Cicadas, fresh slurry, Italian ice. 

Playing tag, ghost in the graveyard, "don't touch the hot lava", bicycles. 

Sleep overs, sprinklers, mosquito bites, Ice pops.
Accents and inflection of 'Cicero'. 

Movie watching, face to face with a window AC.

Cold showers, no power, coolers of ice, sweat. 

I could go on for days,

good times or bad. 

It's all gets hidden away until a single sense triggers
a rush of memories. 

For me, this reflection happens every summer.

No matter what, my inner child goes haywire,
and I have to remind myself that I'm an adult.

But for tonight, I'm back in the third grade...

making up dances to songs with my three best friends, bike riding around town in the evenings to cool off, watching Airplane or Grease
in the basement while playing
MASH.

Life is fleeting.
No time wasting.

Summer Notes, 

-Lu 

This Very Moment

Smudge Makings.

Off Day

Back in Chicago.
Some things never change.
I can take comfort in that, right?

Today, I'm feeling a bit off kilter, restless, and unsure.
I'll blame this uneasiness on the Humidity,
 but really, it's just an off day.
All these emotions are stewing together in a dutch oven
above a dwindling bit of kindle.
Maybe throwing my fear and anxiety into the fire will help?
Very well, in it goes.

Hopefully, these doubts and fears are just
run-of-the-mill.

Tangled,
-lu